The wedding of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce was the event of the summer. But when the flowers fade and the guests go home, the real vocation begins.
Being old enough to vividly recall our country’s bicentennial celebration in 1976, I enjoyed this year’s 250th celebration of our country’s founding—the fireworks, parades, commemorations, and all the hoopla—even tolerating the occasional acts of political grandstanding.
There was, however, some distraction with THE wedding—the multi-million-dollar nuptials of pop sensation Taylor Swift and all-time great NFL tight end Travis Kelce.
As someone with more interest in the NFL than Swift’s music, I am more familiar with Kelce. I’m certainly impressed by his athleticism, and I admire the philanthropic work of both the bride and groom. And while I admit to having mixed feelings about their social activism, I doubt there are many major entertainment figures whose political agendas align with mine.
Despite my unfamiliarity, it was difficult not to be drawn into the buzz about their wedding at Madison Square Garden. Though I tend to scoff at the British royal weddings many Americans fawn over, I was curious about a huge American wedding. And boy, was it huge.
Reportedly, this wedding cost a minimum of $15 million. Of course, it’s their money and they have it to burn, so I’m not excessively upset by their extravagance—though part of me is saying: “And they wonder why there are Communists?”
My deeper concern, however, is whether as much attention has been paid to their preparation for marriage as to the wedding.
When the Wedding Overshadows the Marriage
The consumerization of weddings is a symptom of a larger problem that afflicts multitudes who are not household names. I hear of people spending the equivalent of a house payment on lavish wedding receptions, limos, bridal gowns, flowers, and in some cases horse-drawn carriages—yet begrudging the few hours for marriage preparation the church asks for them.
I’ve heard priests observe that in some cases they find offering funeral Masses more meaningful that officiating at weddings because a funeral does not present so many distractions to the real purpose. I even remember one priest on Long Island lamenting couples who devoted more attention to the fruit cup at the reception than to their future lives together.
I appreciate that a wedding and the accompanying reception is a huge event that couples and their families want to celebrate in style. For 28 years, I was married to the wonderful Mary Grieco Sheehan, my dear bride and the one great love of my life, and our wedding back in 1995 in Oyster Bay did cost a lot of money.
With the generosity of Mary’s wonderful family and an effort by all of us to restrain the extravagance, we managed to have a lovely day without going into debt. My then-future father-in-law joked about hiring a bus and taking everybody to Ohio for the wedding where it would be a fraction of the cost, and I wasn’t always certain that he was joking.
Wedding Planning Should Including Marriage Preparation
While it may be an afterthought to some, studies show that couples who undertake some form of marriage preparation have a better chance for successful marriages. Couples with active faith lives also tend to have longer, happier marriages. And while the appropriate cost of a wedding will vary depending on the finances of the bride and groom, it is an undeniable fact that as the projected cost increases, so too does the likelihood of divorce.
That last point may be more correlative than causative. Though I mocked all the hype that accompanied the wedding of England’s Prince William and Kate Middleton in 2011—much to the annoyance of my own bride—I was encouraged when Anglican Archbishop Rowan Williams of Canterbury, who officiated at the royal wedding, commented that he was impressed with the seriousness with which Prince William and Kate approached “what really matters about this event.”
I can’t say that I’ve heard anything comparable with Swift and Kelce. Of course, the couple kept so much of their preparation private that it’s entirely possible they approached their marriage with the same seriousness and appreciation for what marriage means. Yet, the fact they choose actor Adam Sandler as the officiant (really?) doesn’t fill me with confidence.
Lest we forget, Swift and Kelce are not the first to have a celebrity wedding at Madison Square Garden. Rock star Sly Stone married Kathy Silva at the Garden during a concert and wedding extravaganza in 1974. They divorced two years later.
A Lifetime Begins
“If God does not build the house, in vain do the masons toil,” the psalmist wrote.
I fondly recall the day that I married my wife Mary in 1995. It was a wonderful day… but the best part was that it marked the beginning of 28 years of married life—years that were not without struggle or difficulties, but were full of joy.
Weddings should be celebratory, but it is a sacrament that is being celebrated—a lifelong vocation to faithfulness. I hope and pray Swift and Kelce, when all the sound and sensation of their day has quieted, will find something more, something deeper, something lasting.
