So goes the lyrics of a well-known Beatles song. In life, inevitably, there are times when we must all say “goodbye” and times we must say “hello.” This is the message of Jesus’ dying and rising—our eventual death in this life so that we can rise with a grand “hello” to life that never ends.
One of our late diocesan priests tackled the “hello/goodbye” concept head-on. Each time he received a new assignment, at all the Masses on his first weekend, in the pulpit in his new parish, he would say to the folks gathered there: “If you don’t compare me to your last pastor, I won’t compare you to my last parish.” Rather direct, for sure, but necessary for priests and people to say hello and goodbye— the goodbye needs to come first.
Another example that sticks out in my mind was over 42 years ago. Ken and Anna were in marriage preparation and the session did not end well. Ken finally got up, frustrated and perturbed, and spoke to Anna directly: “When you can really accept and believe that I love you, please let me know.” Then he left. Her “hello” to Ken necessitated a “goodbye” to past hurts involving other men. Anna had been deeply hurt in her past relationships. She was convinced she was unlovable and was suspicious of Ken because he loved her so much. The problem was, she was carrying all the hurt from her past experiences into her relationship with Ken—and perhaps her future marriage. This is very understandable, but problematic. Anna had never really said “goodbye,” which prevented her healthy “hello” to Ken. How many relationships are damaged and fail because baggage from a former experience is dragged into a new one?
Often when people try to date, one (or both) may still be holding on—emotionally, perhaps—to the one he or she had dated before. It happens again, at times, after a divorce. A person wants to remarry but brings a lot of hurt from the old marriage into the new, never having said goodbye to what had been. Clearly this is unfair to all parties involved. It can happen when a person leaves a job for a new one—or when one must learn a new way of living or doing with or without something or someone. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to friendships that at one time meant much to us, but circumstances may have changed. In the past we did something one way, and now it must be done another way.
Perhaps the most challenging experience humans can know is having to say “goodbye.” These hard, hurtful, challenging and painful “goodbyes” are a necessary part of life. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to wonderful, cherished and precious people and events; and at life’s end, this too is a very difficult but inevitable farewell.
Knowing how to say “goodbye” is very instructive for life in general, but also for the Sunday readings currently provided to us during this time between Jesus’ Resurrection and the feasts of the Ascension and Pentecost Sunday. Jesus’ ascending to the Father so that He can send to the Apostles the Holy Spirit demands from both Jesus and the Apostles a goodbye and then a hello. After the Transfiguration, Jesus and the disciples had to come back down from the mountain to say “hello” to life’s everyday challenges.
Jesus knew about saying “goodbye,” and thus our readings in this time after Easter portray Jesus preparing His disciples for His departure. Jesus takes the time to say “goodbye” so that His followers will be able to say “goodbye” to Him—as they knew Him in the flesh—and, just as importantly, will be able to say “hello” to the coming of His Holy Spirit.
A person with an addiction knows how hard, how challenging it is to say “goodbye”—but it must be done in a healthy and complete way, if he or she hopes to say “hello” to a clean life. This is a paschal experience—a true dying and rising. A friend of mine is a recovering alcoholic. When I asked how he accomplished this, he said, “I had to learn to make friends without drinking.” He had to say “goodbye” to the bottle in order to say hello to sobriety. And so, too for those addicted to drugs, food, sex, gambling or even work—and the list goes on. Such brave folks need to say “goodbye” to the way things used to be—to familiar friends, places, habits and feelings, because these all must now be viewed from the rearview mirror.
The seminarians I teach in Cleveland had to say “goodbye” to a good amount of freedom—to being lazy about studies, to their jobs, to their hopes of a different career and to the women they used to date, and for whom they cared very much. It is a dying and rising, a saying “goodbye” so that they can say “hello,” and embrace, if you will, what it is God is calling them to do.
This same dynamic occurs in Confession, with forgiveness. We have to let go of past hurts and offenses if we want to live in the freedom of the forgiven children of God. Dyings of all sorts are necessary if we want to rise to something new. This is simply the Paschal Mystery lived out in daily-life. And in parish life, now more than ever—with all the necessary changes in clergy and parish structures—this truth needs to be embraced.
These days when we experience Jesus’ farewell, we prepare to welcome the Holy Spirit. It may serve each of us (myself included) to reflect upon our lives and discern if there are people, places, events and hurts to which we need to say “goodbye,” only so we can, in a healthy way, say “hello.” This dying and rising is modeled for us by Jesus. Let us follow His example so that when we die and say “goodbye” to this life, we can truly and happily say “hello” to the life the Lord has prepared for us in the Kingdom of Heaven.
